I suppress the violent anger. I colour my social asocialism with a smile. Part of me hates this place, another part knows that this is the only place I’ve got.
I can daydream my world. But the world dreams me.

I never knew that it was possible to feel this helpless. It is like trying to hold my breath, yet all life giving air escapes me. My lungs are filled with nothing, and all my feelings escape with the life leaving me.

~
Breathless
It isn’t like I’m not trying to breathe

~
The crowd is small
I like is this way
The faces are familiar
Their smiles I love

These are friends
I am amidst friends
But I am conscious of my laughter
It is distant and alone

I am alone
That what I feel
But really I am surrounded
By family, love
and maudlin

To call it pathos would be dramatic
Melo-de-dramatic
But isn’t it uncanny
To feel happiness and sadness
Tugging on the soul
And both tugs
Both pinches
Feel the same

Sometimes, I wish I could warp back in time, to see from an observer's eyes what had actually taken place that made me who I am today, and if I could, to make right whatever that had gone wrong. As with some of us, no doubt there are things about me that I wish did not happen during the past.

The past does influence the future, but still, its good to know that the future does not entirely depend on the past but more so on the present.

I guess a person's past should not define who the person is, rather the choices that person makes in the present. Thinking years back, who knows what can happen in the future if I chose A instead of B, or if I did this instead of what I did then. Things can be very uncertain for those who live in the present, who do not know the future, and who only depend on their past for guidance.

...Choices...

Whatever I can do now to make things right, I choose by God's strength to do it. We know with God nothing is impossible, and it is this hope in Him that I choose to place my faith and trust. It is because of who He is, and how He is immensely mindful of me, with thoughts about me as numerous as the sand that I choose to surrender my future into His hands.

I am not perfect, and it has not been easy, but time and time again I must remind myself to make the right choices.

My interest toward music starts during the Prefects' Camp 4 years back. The spirit goes on when everyone around me encourage me to pursue my interest.
Somehow, my passion and interest toward music was once fade off after bidding farewell to the secondary schooling life.
I never practice and listen to music as often since then. Somehow, I feel that the passion towards music is back. And thanks to a friend of mine for all her support.
I will start off all over again and resuming what has been done before.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Music rockz

I have one meal a day. If I wake up early enough, I have two. It seems that my food for the day depends upon the schedule I follow. Not one which I made for myself obviously, but one which people around created for me.
It means I sleep at night, and wake up in the morning. It also means I do something productive during the day so that during my conversations with people I have something to talk about.
There were times when I stayed up through the night and slept during the day. During these hours awake I found much self-release beneath the dark expanse of the night. And during the day when I slept, my daydreams met my nightdreams and they married. Their union became my imagination.
So I said to myself, “This is what I want. Freedom for my actions to roam in the mysteries of the night, and for my dreams to spin magic into my mundane everyday. I will live life like an adventurer and feel emotions in my body like a dancer”.
But that same day I died. When I set myself free, every single part of my being stretch out and merge with my universe. I felt the passion of every star burning in the night, I felt the pain of every single infant on earth crying, every single pup every single cub. My thoughts reached heaven, and body felt the earth.

Wanted to post ... But no idea what to write ...

So, here is something ... Found it kinda meaningless ... But just want to post it ... It's about my MSN private message ...

I say : Damn you, STREAMYX ... Damn you, laptop ...

Here are the respond that I get :-

WL

for streamyx,i can provide you telephone to flame him... for laptop, i can borrow you screwdriver to screw it...

Maine

lol ... Chill la wei ...

WS

haha ... ur com crash again ?!?

I'm really pissed off with my laptop ... Coz I just reformat it but it still give problem ... And now, STREAMYX itself giving me more problem ... I'm tensed ...

I'm wondering ...

What is Friendship w/o Trust ?!?

Just reach home from IT FAIR HICOM MEETING ...

Never realize that the event is just another +/- 10 weeks to go ... And all the job MUST start now ... How I hope that all the work starts earlier ... Can only blame myself for not doing the work earlier ... I can really feel the pressure right now ... Meeting person in charge of different faculty and other task is already a headache for me ... What more, the other 2 partners from the same division just told me that they will be going for Industrial Training 2 weeks before the event start ... In other word, the division faith is in my hand for the very critical moment ... No one to help ... Hope I can really handle the task ... =.= *PRAY HARD*

Yeah, 3rd WEEK 3rd SEM ...

I found it quite boring this semester ... Was it because I had too much time to spend ?!? No need of rushing an assignment ... Presentation not that soon ... Everything seems different from 2nd semester and I really did miss that SEM ... Somehow, stuff is getting from strange to weird these days ... Just couldn't describe it in words ... And, I'm avoiding myself from troubles ... Avoid talking too much with people surrounding me ... It might be something good, as I will never fall into conflict anymore ... I've become less EMO ... Good sign I guess ... Praying hard that assignment will start soon ... As I found it meaningless playing online game to fill up my free time ...

I found it quite meaningful ...


A small truth to make our Lifes 100%.......

If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is equal to 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then Hardwork= H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% only
Knowledge=K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% only

Love=L+O+V+E=12+15+22+5=54%
Luck=L+U+C+K = 12+21+3+11 = 47% (don't most of us think this is most important???)

Then what makes 100% Is it Money? ..... No!!!!!
Leadership? ...... NO!!!!

Every problem has a solution, only if we perhaps

change our attitude.

To go to the top, to that 100%

what we really need to go further..... a bit more.......

Attitude=A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

It is OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes
OUR Life 100%

Don't you think so?!?!?!?!

~REMOVED~

1st time attending Probability & Statistic ...

The lecturer ... A Malay female ... Age ... 20++ I guess ... She can't teach ... Although I can't teach ... She will only talk to those sitting at the front row ... What about those sitting at the back row ?!? Since the class is so huge ... She still aspect to concentrate on those sitting front row only ?!? Funny ... We pay to gain knowledge as well ... She really can't teach ... At least not a big class ... She is so not professional ... So unexperienced ... Like what Yu Da always say ... Send her for training ... Yeah, I really think she need training before teaching us ... I'm praying hard that we can get a better lecturer to teach us ...

3rd semester ...

This semester is very very boring ... Classes will always have breaks in between ... Certain days will only have one class ... Why ?!? Why is this a long semester ?!? A long semester that is bored ... Less class, more time ... Haiz ... I'm freaking bored ...

I thought I've gone through almost every barriers,
But still there is a lot barriers blocking me,
It sounds true
It make sense
but I still want to get through it.
Maybe I can't feel it

Forget about it
That thing just demotivating me
Thing won’t stuck if you change it
Is time to make thing change
Make it change

Life is precious
I am the guy who tolerant of weakness
I won't fall into traps


A smile is a curve that sets everything straight
Let's smile

What I fear finally happens ...

Consulted my Academic Advisor just now ... Even my lecturer ... Both of them giving me the same answer ... I can't sit for my supplementary paper ... My Macro gone ... And my GPA will remain the same for this semester ... I have to retake this subject in the coming semester ... Damn ... Wasted 1 subject just like that ... I can't accept the fact ... The cruel reality ... Haiz ... What can I do ?!? Guess I really have to manage my timetable wisely ... Or else, sure need to extend my course ...

7th day of CNY ... Also the last day of sem break ...

3rd semester coming soon ... Can't accept the fact that semester break is over ... A very busy semester I can say ... Having classes from Monday ~ Friday ... Will I even have time to go back to Seremban ?!? I can't tell ... Anyway, a new semester, a new goal ... Gotta start working on managing my timetable ... I found that I'm not a good planner ... Somehow, I really need to manage my time well this time ...

Need to prepare myself for the Macro paper ... Still don't know if I can re-sit that paper ... Coz I never sit for it, how to re-sit ?!? Stupid right ?!? Have to consult my Academic Advisor tomorrow ... Anyway, I'm meeting Mdm Anushia again this semester ... A lecturer that has been teaching us for the pass 2 sem ... Will she teach better this time ?!? I really don't know ... Everything depends on tomorrow ... Gotta sleep early ... Or else, sure can't wake up for the 8 am class ...

2nd day of 'moo~moo' year ...

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone ... Phew, get lots of 'ang pau' in these two days ... Somehow, I really wonder what is the total amount when everything is unpacked ... lol ... Result is out ... Lucky me, still pass with 2.7 even without sitting for my final examination ... Somehow, I would not forgive the person who cause this incident ... The incident where I never go for my final ...

No idea on what to write ... Wishes everyone a healthy, good and peaceful life ... And to my fellow 'kipas-susah-mati'/die hard fans ... Please stop asking when I stop updating my blog for a period of time ... ^^

...takes a toll on me

i am in a dragon's belly

or on the surface of volcanic soil

wearing mithril armor, grasping the sword of kings

leading horsemen to the black gate

even at sea

taken hostage, captured by pirates

or riding an orca across the pacific

or in space, or subspace wearing a starfleet uniform

adjusting plasma manifolds or firing a photon torpedo

travelling in slip stream over huge distances

to walking on a demon class planet



i'm bored...