May 28, 2009/16:48 PM (Duanwu Festival)

Today is a day where family member should gather around and have a dinner (more like reunion dinner during the Chinese New Year)... As usual, my family and all my uncle & auntie will gather in my grandma's house and have an enjoyable dinner & gathering... Somehow, I'm still in Malacca busy putting all the Web Design notes into my brain... This is my first time not joining my family for this gathering... I miss my family, never seen them for months... I miss my fellow cousins, long never hang out with them... I miss my house, with the comfortable bed and air-cond.... I miss my Grandma, long never taste the dishes that she made... I miss BakChang, can only eat once a year but I got no chance to taste it today... And I'm jealous of all my Malaccan friend and those who are celebrating with their family... Somehow, thanks to those who send me greetings through SMS today... I really appreciate it...

I was shocked to death and I just pop up from my sleep... With all the worries in my mind, I'm vigorously looking for the clock to know the time... My worries deepen when I saw that it was already 12.30... Silly me, it's 12.30 in the morning and not afternoon... I though I have miss my paper at 9.00 a.m... All these was so painful for it has happen last semester... Unable to wake up for my final examination and end up retaking that subsequent paper... Everything is okay right now for I did not miss the paper that I will have to sit in the morning... Somehow, this scary nightmare will haunt me forever till the end of my college life...

The clock strike 9.00PM sharp... Need to have my sleep... Not being sleeping well these few days... Exam tomorrow... Nitez folks...

Face it.

You are meant to be alone.

You have tried very hard, but got nowhere.

People you thought are, aren't anymore.

They have turned their backs on you, because to them you are not worthy of attention.

In their eyes you are worthy of use, but worthless as a friend.

There is a purpose for you to be alone. What it is I do not know.

For the time being you are to be alone.

The days to come may prove differently, but that I do not know.

Just know that you are not alone somehow.

Open the eyes of your heart and you shall see.

I really hate it all the time when someone don't know a truth but tend to conclude something totally out of the scale. It's not that they can't conclude. But sometimes, think before they make any conclusion. They have brains, use it. Worst cases after concluding. They tend to tell everyone the conclusion that is merely true.

So you, yeah you. Think before you conclude. You have a brain. Use it!!!

This is what we call art.

Sara Watson, an English art student, turned a car "invisible" with a lovely trompe l'oeil paintjob:


Sara Watson, who is studying drawing at the University of Central Lancashire (Uclan), took three weeks to transform the car's appearance.

She created the illusion in the car park outside her studio at Uclan's Hanover Building in Preston.

The car is now being used for advertising by the local recycling firm that donated the vehicle.

Sometimes, it is such a challenge to be amongst people, knowing that you will never be able to fit in properly. It is like using a rusted key to open its lock, and the key will break anytime.

People are unpredictable and you never know exactly whether they are sincere. Some label you as friend only when things suit their needs. Some you believe are your friends but their mouths are filled with filth about you when you are not around.

At times I find it hard to call someone a friend if I don't trust that person with my life.

Maybe I expect too much out of people, imperfect people like you and me. Maybe that is why I still cannot have what I need (or what I think I need).

Sometimes, isn't it good to be alone when you are facing these situations? People can be most encouraging and loving at one end, but totally destructive at the other.

I guess 'trust' isn't a perfection you should find in people. Trust those who have proven themselves trustworthy to you, but ultimately trust God is all situations because when people might fail you, God never fails.

Who are you?

You're familiar as rain, but I never get to see your rainbows. Somewhere between the drizzle and the falling torrents, there always is a reflection of you I never catch, something solemn, sad, something almost dying.

Why do you close your eyes? All the while I thought you were hiding your eyes from me. But somewhere between the moments of blind love and my opened eyes, I saw that you closed your eyes only to conceal the world which you shut behind those eyelids. Some place you hide in, drifting through and drifting out.

I love you when you smile. When you laugh, I think I hear my own from inside. I love you when we talk about our dreams and when we talk through the night about the night. I love it more when there are those moments when we just stop talking, and then, everything falls into stillness and I know we understand each other.

I love it when you talk about life

School

People

Love

But when you’re still sad, I don’t think I understand you anymore.

I love it when I look into your eyes. When I do, I see me.

Close your eyes, the real world is painted on dark canvas behind shut eyelids.

Numbing. Every pulse sent a shiver to my fingers. They worked adamantly on, while my eyes wandered lost following their movement.

It was nearly finished. My mind was disconnected to every other part but my breathing. It heaved incessantly in rising rhythm.

Every thing else seemed to slow down, even sound. Had I been awake during the strange reverie I was in, I might have chosen to stopped breathing right then, and sleep.

Blink. I let myself stop for that short moment to watch it, finished. I become conscious of my heartbeat, anxious, anticipated, growing steadier at each moment.

And then everything stops. Then it swirls. Then order.

And it is right there.

Nostalgia is a place of meeting. The parts of us which we leave behind through our journey of life, sometimes they die away in our memories. Sometimes they live, and we find them again.

Wouldn’t it be strange to know, all the parts of us that we leave behind.

It wasn’t meant to be like that? But I left a part of me, right here, next to me, right now.

I live between worlds separated by the dreaming, moments where I realise my existence played in a sequence of days.
There are the in betweens, moments when the mind takes over and the senses subside. It is a chasm between two worlds which I find myself falling into. It happens when I close my eyes. Dreams take over. They are my world, my universe.
And then I wake up.
I find myself stand at the edge of a gouge. The waking up has been long. The sun dispels the mist. I am stepping out into a new day, but what awaits me, but what awaits me?
I thought I should excitement from what is ahead of me, in the discovering, in the waking hours.
My worlds keep changing.
And somehow I love my dreaming.
Cause that is the only thing which stays unchangingly the same.

Something inexplicable takes over me. All my thoughts and emotions are drawn into a strange focus, directed at something of incalculable worth and significance so profound which I cannot describe. It is as if all my life I was waiting for this moment, when destiny would seize me, or when destiny would write itself into a song, and sing itself into a melody which I could understand. I stand at the edge of sanity and existence, and contemplate the wonder which I have uncovered. I feel beyond myself with all my soul into a darkness beyond me which I do not understand. And I find myself longing for more.

I suppress the violent anger. I colour my social asocialism with a smile. Part of me hates this place, another part knows that this is the only place I’ve got.
I can daydream my world. But the world dreams me.

I never knew that it was possible to feel this helpless. It is like trying to hold my breath, yet all life giving air escapes me. My lungs are filled with nothing, and all my feelings escape with the life leaving me.

~
Breathless
It isn’t like I’m not trying to breathe

~
The crowd is small
I like is this way
The faces are familiar
Their smiles I love

These are friends
I am amidst friends
But I am conscious of my laughter
It is distant and alone

I am alone
That what I feel
But really I am surrounded
By family, love
and maudlin

To call it pathos would be dramatic
Melo-de-dramatic
But isn’t it uncanny
To feel happiness and sadness
Tugging on the soul
And both tugs
Both pinches
Feel the same

Sometimes, I wish I could warp back in time, to see from an observer's eyes what had actually taken place that made me who I am today, and if I could, to make right whatever that had gone wrong. As with some of us, no doubt there are things about me that I wish did not happen during the past.

The past does influence the future, but still, its good to know that the future does not entirely depend on the past but more so on the present.

I guess a person's past should not define who the person is, rather the choices that person makes in the present. Thinking years back, who knows what can happen in the future if I chose A instead of B, or if I did this instead of what I did then. Things can be very uncertain for those who live in the present, who do not know the future, and who only depend on their past for guidance.

...Choices...

Whatever I can do now to make things right, I choose by God's strength to do it. We know with God nothing is impossible, and it is this hope in Him that I choose to place my faith and trust. It is because of who He is, and how He is immensely mindful of me, with thoughts about me as numerous as the sand that I choose to surrender my future into His hands.

I am not perfect, and it has not been easy, but time and time again I must remind myself to make the right choices.

My interest toward music starts during the Prefects' Camp 4 years back. The spirit goes on when everyone around me encourage me to pursue my interest.
Somehow, my passion and interest toward music was once fade off after bidding farewell to the secondary schooling life.
I never practice and listen to music as often since then. Somehow, I feel that the passion towards music is back. And thanks to a friend of mine for all her support.
I will start off all over again and resuming what has been done before.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Music rockz

I have one meal a day. If I wake up early enough, I have two. It seems that my food for the day depends upon the schedule I follow. Not one which I made for myself obviously, but one which people around created for me.
It means I sleep at night, and wake up in the morning. It also means I do something productive during the day so that during my conversations with people I have something to talk about.
There were times when I stayed up through the night and slept during the day. During these hours awake I found much self-release beneath the dark expanse of the night. And during the day when I slept, my daydreams met my nightdreams and they married. Their union became my imagination.
So I said to myself, “This is what I want. Freedom for my actions to roam in the mysteries of the night, and for my dreams to spin magic into my mundane everyday. I will live life like an adventurer and feel emotions in my body like a dancer”.
But that same day I died. When I set myself free, every single part of my being stretch out and merge with my universe. I felt the passion of every star burning in the night, I felt the pain of every single infant on earth crying, every single pup every single cub. My thoughts reached heaven, and body felt the earth.

Wanted to post ... But no idea what to write ...

So, here is something ... Found it kinda meaningless ... But just want to post it ... It's about my MSN private message ...

I say : Damn you, STREAMYX ... Damn you, laptop ...

Here are the respond that I get :-

WL

for streamyx,i can provide you telephone to flame him... for laptop, i can borrow you screwdriver to screw it...

Maine

lol ... Chill la wei ...

WS

haha ... ur com crash again ?!?

I'm really pissed off with my laptop ... Coz I just reformat it but it still give problem ... And now, STREAMYX itself giving me more problem ... I'm tensed ...

I'm wondering ...

What is Friendship w/o Trust ?!?