I suppress the violent anger. I colour my social asocialism with a smile. Part of me hates this place, another part knows that this is the only place I’ve got.
I can daydream my world. But the world dreams me.

I never knew that it was possible to feel this helpless. It is like trying to hold my breath, yet all life giving air escapes me. My lungs are filled with nothing, and all my feelings escape with the life leaving me.

~
Breathless
It isn’t like I’m not trying to breathe

~
The crowd is small
I like is this way
The faces are familiar
Their smiles I love

These are friends
I am amidst friends
But I am conscious of my laughter
It is distant and alone

I am alone
That what I feel
But really I am surrounded
By family, love
and maudlin

To call it pathos would be dramatic
Melo-de-dramatic
But isn’t it uncanny
To feel happiness and sadness
Tugging on the soul
And both tugs
Both pinches
Feel the same

Sometimes, I wish I could warp back in time, to see from an observer's eyes what had actually taken place that made me who I am today, and if I could, to make right whatever that had gone wrong. As with some of us, no doubt there are things about me that I wish did not happen during the past.

The past does influence the future, but still, its good to know that the future does not entirely depend on the past but more so on the present.

I guess a person's past should not define who the person is, rather the choices that person makes in the present. Thinking years back, who knows what can happen in the future if I chose A instead of B, or if I did this instead of what I did then. Things can be very uncertain for those who live in the present, who do not know the future, and who only depend on their past for guidance.

...Choices...

Whatever I can do now to make things right, I choose by God's strength to do it. We know with God nothing is impossible, and it is this hope in Him that I choose to place my faith and trust. It is because of who He is, and how He is immensely mindful of me, with thoughts about me as numerous as the sand that I choose to surrender my future into His hands.

I am not perfect, and it has not been easy, but time and time again I must remind myself to make the right choices.

My interest toward music starts during the Prefects' Camp 4 years back. The spirit goes on when everyone around me encourage me to pursue my interest.
Somehow, my passion and interest toward music was once fade off after bidding farewell to the secondary schooling life.
I never practice and listen to music as often since then. Somehow, I feel that the passion towards music is back. And thanks to a friend of mine for all her support.
I will start off all over again and resuming what has been done before.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Music rockz

I have one meal a day. If I wake up early enough, I have two. It seems that my food for the day depends upon the schedule I follow. Not one which I made for myself obviously, but one which people around created for me.
It means I sleep at night, and wake up in the morning. It also means I do something productive during the day so that during my conversations with people I have something to talk about.
There were times when I stayed up through the night and slept during the day. During these hours awake I found much self-release beneath the dark expanse of the night. And during the day when I slept, my daydreams met my nightdreams and they married. Their union became my imagination.
So I said to myself, “This is what I want. Freedom for my actions to roam in the mysteries of the night, and for my dreams to spin magic into my mundane everyday. I will live life like an adventurer and feel emotions in my body like a dancer”.
But that same day I died. When I set myself free, every single part of my being stretch out and merge with my universe. I felt the passion of every star burning in the night, I felt the pain of every single infant on earth crying, every single pup every single cub. My thoughts reached heaven, and body felt the earth.